today...

hah duno y today dun feel like msninnnnn...i saw him in msn...y is he there?y cant he jz disappeared?of cz ppl has the right to on9 rite...ya..wateva lahh...2day i passed by the hse which we usually stopped by.....i gave my first kiss to him..ya tat place...tat hse with lights on every nite..hah bright lights...of cz he has already 4gotten our sweet moments...he is now embracing new sweet memories..but me still holding back...my emotional fluctuates..or maybe i can say sumtimes i even my emotions drastically changed....is like the weather...sumtimes it does warm...sumtimes thunder storm....sucks man.,....2day my mum suddenly show me his photos ..the photos which we taken wen i was havin my 18th biday....wau...again i cried...y ahh...yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy how many yssss i nid to say WHY?I WAS lookin at the photo...reminiscing the moments we hav been thru...but its all past...but i keep holding it...for wat?i duno....it seems im useless....do u noe how hard to jz let go?everyone is tellin me the same old bloodly thing...tellin me to let go...ya i fully fathom wat they said but it seems in vain...their words din strike me at all.....how many times they nid to tell me?he seems so cold-blooded to me n yet im thinkin of him...he has a gf....he has his loved one..n me?still in the middle of no where...crying....yelling for help....still groaning in pain...but hu noes?me myself noe....ppl noes...but wat can they do?they jz ignore me...bcz its been 1 year plus..im still holding this unrepairable relationship.....im not blind..im not dumb....im normal...y?can anyone tell me why?hhahaah NO ONE...i nid to protect myself...i nid to......i nid security....its me myself can gif myself the guarantee n security,,no one can eva gif me tat anymore...guys sucks,,,,........dating?LOVE?WAT IS LOVE?WAT IS A RELATIONSHIP?dun eva play wif fire....hhaahha..sorry i cant tik it...its painful...its extremely painful....its like ,millions of needles poking at the depth of ur heart...u call for help..u cry at the corner...n still u nid to wipe off ur tears.....stand up n live ur life...sumtimes we r in hard moments...we grumble...we complain.....we jz nid a listener to listen to us...tats all....we dun nid anyone to console us....but cant we jz pour our sadness n problems?OF CZ WE STILL NID TO MOVE ON...DOESNT MEAN WE DID NTH...if u hv a family...u still nid to work hard n support ur family..if u r single..u still nid to work to earn a living..if u r a student u still nid to pick up the book n read after a hard tiring day.....aiyo.....humanbeings humanbeings,,...we are humans,,,...we r not an object...we breathe....we think...we tok....unlike the animals...we r living in the democratic rasional society....we hv the rights to voice out the things we dislike...so wat the use of keepin it?y nid to b so care abt how n wat ppl think?s long s we noe wat we r doin...noe wat we ourselves thinkin...tats more than enuf.......i noe wat m i doin...althou i do think of him everyday....i still nid to further my studies n live life to the fullest man.....play...PLAY TO THE MAX...study...STUDY TO THE MAX...chat...CHAT TO THE MAX...hu cares?s long s u urself is happy....tats all....problems occur...barricading us from speakin the v truth....hahah wats tat..im still searching.......wats in my mind..i can tell u.,... alot....a lot....tats im hvin insomnia in such young age....i hate tat..ya i wan sweet dreams.......aihhhh...wat to aih n wat to haih?jz kip goin....one day u will b able to search the unsearchable things which hidden in ur heart core.....sumthin which u cant think of...sumthin which is beyond ur imagination...sounds abstract but its true.....love is sumthin vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv complex....is not jz words....not jz actions...is the inner feelings tat say.......hard to find lahh..guys seems to b untrustable sumtimes ...same goes to gals.....trust urself n move on wif ur life....its tough but humanbeings seem to b more n more complicated......FRIENDS?HAHAHAHHAHA...friends too sumtimes r untrustable...but i hv bunch of gud buddies in kampar.........wat u hv now....grab hold of it......