again im down

jz duno y...wen im bk kampar..jz feel tat loneliness surrounding me...again i picked up the photos we both taken in 2007...it makes me think of the memories...again im down...i cut my hair...vvvv short...this is the first time i feel kinda reluctant to hv my hair cut tat short..without any hesitation....now i hv a new look!haahah im a guy..im a boy?m i a girl?everyday i do think of him...thinkin of you,,,is something tat makes me sad....makes me cry....can sumwan hold my tears?careena now is single....she walks alone...she cries alone...she even see herself alone in dreams...the weather is burning hot but my heart is freezy cold...my body is shivering....i barely able to stand still....i hardly able to smile......tats me.....listen to the KENNY G songs....makes me reminisced the moments again....we hug each other..calling him softly..DEAR I LOVE U!now....in future....DEAR....A HORRIBLE WORD TO ME....I LOVE U.....HAHAHAAHAHH WAT A DAMN WORD IS TAT?Y GIRLS NID GUYS PROTECTION?WE DUN NID TAT.....WE DUN NID LOVE...WE DUN NID ANY OF UR SHELTER....U LEAVE ME A SCAR.........................NO LONGER WE WIL MEET...NO LONGER WE GONA SAY A WORD HELLO.....THERE IS ONLY BYE.....BYE CHONG BENG SOON IN MY LIFE!

numerous stuff...

tell u wat?hahaaha..2day i being boycotted by my mates...my lovely course mates...we supposed to hv 4 persons in a group..but they themselves already planned to b in a same group...how abt me?hahah im the left out..but eventually im in a group...i was compelled to b in tat particular group...i will try to cope wif dem....now i noe how important is my comrades....they gona save my assignments in these 3 years..i nid them...actually not sayin we r realistic its jz mutual benefit..we nid each other..we nid to lean on each other's shoulders...here comes unity..the unanimanous voice which we all hav now n the cumin 3 years..we nid to hold hands together no matter how much we dislike each other...i do hope i can b their frenz....jz tat normal fren...actually i do feel wateva happens around us all....there is a reason/..there is sumthin we nid to learn.....there is sumthin we nid to go thru in life..no matter how sad u r..no matter how many barricades u nid to been thru...u still nid to walk thru the path of darkness...only den u noe wat is LIFE...only den u r moulded to b a better person....patience..love....tolerance...maturity...self control..all these might be injected in u thru the walks of life..these r the values r goin to hold ur hands..lead u to the end of ur life..if now u duno how to grab hold of it..u will regret rest of ur life....im learning....in this year ..i do learn sumthin tats to really grabhold the things i precious the most..MY FRENZ...MY STUDIES....MY AMBITION...TX GOD THE MOSTTTTTTTT...HE is the one who let me noe wat is life gona b in future,,life is not jz a bed of roses...life fill wif thorny obstacles...but it does has honey ground...depends how u look at it....if u can take life like a blue sea..i believe life for u...must b unanticipated n unpredictable..there will b more surprises emerging infront of u....cz the sea full of the lovely creatures beyond our imagination...yea this is life!life for me is like the cactus..wau sounds bit weird but it does make sense...let me share a few words...there r thorns on the cactus...but there r different length in each thorn....we might go thru different hard times....sumtimes we do go thru hard moments which really disheartened us...but sum we can still take it....this is y i tik the cactus as the example...i can say i hav a colourful life...my life now fill wif variety of colours....but i cn myself one thing....MY FRENZ THEY PLAY A V CRUCIAL ROLE IN MY LIFE..WITHOUT THEM IM LIKE A LOST SHEEP...I HAV NO DIRECTION...THEY BRING ME BK...THEY TELL ME NOT TO GIF UP...STAND UP TO B A BETTER PERSON....U CAN DO IT!TX TO LYNN,ESTHER,MAY,YEELING,JING WEN,ERIC,JESLYN,JESS,CHARMAINE,...MY FAMILY...LOVE U ALL!i believe u guys will b the one who fill my life wif more fabulous colours....there r more to come.....

no mood

careena jz seems to b no mood....my mood is like weather ....changing moods all e time...i jz feel lots of things in my mind..i jz feel like yelling out..jz feel like having sumthin sweet...undescribable feelings in me...im like a lost sheep lost in the desolate jungle..searching ways to escape from the wilderness..where m i?can sumwan jz bring me bak?can sumwan gif me a hand?thousands of worries n anxieties in me...im now enshrouded wif the mist of worries n sadness...where m i to go?my life pages seem to b bored n dull....black? white?i myself still in the blur state...hope my sadness will gradually fade away..or else im gona suffer...im suffocating!i barely able to breathe...yesterday i again looked bk OURS PHOTOS...hahaa i cried..ya i cried...i jz tot i can stand n turn to a better tougher person but in vain...i try so hard..iterbnm indeed trying...im moving...but it seems sumthin holding me bk...the photos?the memories?the time we hav spent together?dis afternoon..i saw a couple givin each other a hug...i started to reminisce to lovely happy moments we hav been thru...ya he is still in my mind...but im no more in him..im the NOBODY..the nobody here means nothin to him anymore..no0 matter wat happens to me...its NOTHING TO HIM anymore..he is no longer there 4 me...he is no longer emerged in my lovely dreams..the dreams gona vanished foreva n eva...y?y nid to torture me?cruel.....feel like killing myself...how many years i nid to hold on to dis?m i absurd enuf to kip on holding this?i miss his smile..i miss his coolness to me...i miss him everything...i miss my dear again n again....MY SOUL DIES.....my mind stop working...my heart stops beating.....im overall dead...im n dead soul now...CHONG BENG SOON U R KILLING ME...

speechless

these few days i dun feel like saying anythin...duno y?i have nothin in my mind..in bad mood?NOPE..in gud mood?nope....i gain weight dy...kinda no mood lahh...tot of controlling myself but y ?i kip on eating. ..i hate myself...i hate being FAT...like a fat ass pig....Fxxx..haih no mood lahh/.....i dun hv any self determination...i dun hav self control..it makes me feel so sad disappointed wif myself...ya....small matters oso cant handle....im ...SPEECHLESS...anyway i have to tell myself...i wan to implant this attitude in me tat is to b self determination...control myself...ya...IN STUDIES..U MZ DO IT WELL...IN DIETwise too i hav to control...SURE U CAN DO IT...