learning to be patient and sturdy enough to face the artificial truth

these past few weeks, i have been struggling to be someone who do not love to ask or to question anything...i have been wondering who M I...M i myself?M I CAREENA yeoh..whom I used to be...to love someone is way harder than what i thought of...past few weeks, I have been struggling to bug him...texting him so many messages but what I have gotten myself is NIL. Just wanna cry out sumtimes...trying to tell myself to think positively..still learning to be tough which is so damn hard.....how many times he has been given a chance?ok..Careena go with it...with the trust U have for him...give another shot...i almost fall...i hope i able to stand strong ...move on with these....I love him...he is my boyfriend...who M i to him?i believe i able to see the results one day.,..surprisingly we are not seeing each other, texting or even chating via ph..hahah. wat a joke..be patient....we gonna see results by the end of the game

careena's sorrow

I met a dentist....he is special in my eyes, he might not be someone handsome but his intellectual strikes me...his intelligence attracts me to his attention...the way he speaks the way he portrays himself...i like it...yesterday i pray to God...I do hope I get a chance to get a lil close to him..but it seems in vain..I really duno whether Receive my request...i noe im not attractive to him..im just again another walk in customer...an ordinary one....knowing him and to get closer to him is totally diff story...i might not have aany chance from Sukhpal...he has a girlfriend...maybe..these few days i use to think of him...sumtimes do fun wen i imagine im his gf..imagine im holding his hands, hugging him seems great and awesome..being his gf, wat i feel is love and secure. adding him in my FB, maybe its sh wrong...but some ppl might say you can have him as ur fren first...afetr being frens..you will have further development....to know him, to get near him...wau its way harder than i think of...im not easily get attracted to guys..they hardly fall for me...maybe my personality, my attitude that shines among the amongs....im goin for intern..i will be saying goodbye...i will be telling myself only a dream...it will not come true..y not i tell myself, Careena, its only a dream, y not u tik him in ur dream hold him tight, hug him tight, imagine he is ur bf, walking on the street, telling him YOU ARE DIFF IN MY HEART. though its jz tat one day consultation, but i already missing you right now. i wont tell you i like you, you might be frightened, so leave it..again i get a FAIL in this paper....from far im looking at you, but closer, your shadow fades.duno wen i able to find someone i really love....maybe no...

the word peace

its hard to do the things u wanna to do..or maybe in a more easy way of saying...wanna achieve but still bit slow...ya v slow...as wat my mum used to say.,do things by steps...not rush ....maybe she is right...tonight again my mood swings...my mind floats....floating in the air seems free but actualy its not nice to have this very feeling where u hav nowhere but to have this word falls on you which is peace...izit so nice to hav this word on me...i dun think so...to some..they might that peace is somethig tranquil...the serenity in me strucks me like a thunder storm..wau seems kinda implicit...what this implies?well...i would like to say im currently fucking busy till the extend i would love to corner myself...with no disturbance...ignorance will be the best remedy....i have no time in other things but to jz focus in others...hahahah....will be tough but still IM CAREENA YEOH mahh...wt else i m to be just Careena>>>tonight no mood cheh...tomorrow must stand up and work things out...or maybe now...Careena u r different...show ppl how the best of you..you r the winner nt the loser...u will nvr look bk..but look front....no barricades will deter you from moving on....you hav a long race to run so do everybody...you wont be running all alone but u will be running with millions of rivals...so run with m=them...keep up the very speed...y?cz u r racing with urself...winning urself in order to win others...if u urself cant even win the race..how u expect urself to win others?u have no time to grunt..to complain..jz grin and bear it...try learn to be discipline...CAREENA MAHH. make a difference in your life....tats me

A NEW CAREENA IN THIS NEW YEAR

today i hav chat with keen way...wau i underestimate him...beyond wat i imagined...i hav gained lots from him...he taught one which is the 3Ps...PASSION, PERVERENCE AND PRACTICE..its easy to put in words but comes to pragmatic action, wau it is indeed different...but will learn n try to implement it in daily live....knowing to learn from everythin thou its jz a lil of part and parcel of ur life but no matter wat in our daily lives, we did gain sth....Careena u can do better in ur studies and future carrier...i cant be the future predictor but i do noe we do nid plans...pray to GOD...the plans we hav scheduled...HE will do the rest I believe....nvr fail to trust Him...u hv lts to learn in life ..u hav unstoppable knowledge but its too up to you whether you wan to receive it or not....first u hmz hav the interest..try to imbibe the interest in everything u do...then try to understand and apply it in daily life...surely u can utilize it regardless of anything u hav learnt,,..now its the time to learn more more...enhance urself to the max....MUST CAREENA U CAN DO IT....

there wont be an old one but a new one...

i notice one thing in life..thou it might not be the most crucial one but least its sth which u can bring you far far from wat u expected...i wont be the old one but a woman with dignity, with bountiful knowledge, with the knowledge i have in me,,,read more, enhance more on knowledge, it will definitely brace urself for a better future. as woman, we should be well informed, do not easily sway by the environment. NO....i should stand up no matter how tired i m...how lethargic i m today ..i should not jz give up...i noe i nid more exercise in order to uplift myself in all ways but it will nvr too late..NVR...NVR....CAREENA YEOH WILL NVR GIVE UP HER DREAMS...I AHVE MY VISION...A WOMAN WITH DIGNITY....TO CREATE AN IMPACT TO THE WORLD..I NOE ONE DAY I WILL BE ON TOP OF THE WORLD.I WANT TO BE ONE....i do noe in order to gain ppl's respect first u nid to respect him or her first.but certainly there are limitations...dun walk over mine...remember my words....tx...but do remember one thing Careena, do ur best in wateva u r doin and too in future...BE UNIQUE AND BE THE BEST

careena is here

everyday it seems im here...time flies...its almost the end of the sem..a new start..finals coming...but still im blur...im still dreaming rite now...writing here...doin what..what im thinkin is actually what im writing...whining will make you better..crying will make you better...or maybe a smile will make u better....there is an idiom tat goes...a smile will definitely better a cry...y not you choose to smile....whenever you want to do..you expect urself to do the best, top of the world...can I be the top of the world.???but how?top of everything....tell you what?beng soon's photo is on my desktop wallpaper...whenever i c him, feel sad, feel hurt..at the same time feel happy....dear dear ahh, do hope you will spend every minute with me,,,hugging me every nite, still remember we hugging each other to lalaland..tat land only belongs to us..dear dear I love you still...I miss you much still, but u hav forgotten me, have you?dear dear, tell you what?i do hope one day i can bump into you, seeing you will be the greatest gift eva...but i noe its God's arrangement, if He wants us to meet, definitely will but can I ask God..when???how many years to go??dear dear can i hug you?jz a hug tats more than enuf?but trust me Careena nvr give up..she still moving on ...i will study..i will do my best not try my best...nvr try but do it the best ..dear you too..ok...take more rest...I LOVE YOU...vvvv much..dear dear...missing you right now...wishing u merry merry xmas in adv...and happy new year...love you

careena's soul is not there...

to search ur inner self..will be v hard but once u had found it it will nvr be that hard anymore.....these few days duno y im v not myself...meaning your soul is not there, it was like struck by lightning, it has been pulled away by the swirl wind.the rushing wind seems like chasing after telling me to move but i wan totally glued on ground, dumbfounded with empty rooms in my head, the owner knocking on ur door without any further notice. the notice is a highlight to you telling you to move, telling you is time to make a move. it seems im still in my world of dream, dreams which are nasty and ludicrous. i have no idea what m i writing but in certain i noe hu mi n wat shud i do. I lack of motivation, the boost is not there anymore..listening to songs make you indulge more but at the same time it helps to keep awake ...Careena u shud wake up,,,set the alarm clock , wake u up mentally....thinkin bk the case between mee fon and ah tat, i suddenly think of me n beng. dear ahh, i noe i shud give up you, letting you go is letting my soul flies without comin back. if i were to continue to think of this, i wil nvr recover from the hurts.i will continue to walk deeper till one day, i will get myself even hurt than b4. i noe how to consult ppl but me myself, i hav no idea. as whta people say, its easy to heal others but not to urself..i almost dead....help me...im crying for help.,..thinkin of him is like killing my soul, soulless human being....hanging urself under the torture of hell...