my heart stops...

2day i visited hongleong....i felt kinda heavy-hearted...i miss him at the same time i felt scared wen i visit him....but the moment i saw him...i happy worr at the same time i felt reluctant to say gudbye....bye Mr Liew...i miss him...do u noe how much i hope to get close to him...to really take care for him...b the one hu cares for him at all times....but i dun get a chance...maybe i dun deserve gua..i tot of telling him i LIKE YOU...but i dun dare to I DUN DARE AHH...M I A COWARD?I DUN HVE The guts to approach him.....i felt heartache wen i visited him but all i can do is to smile to him...make fun,.....make sum jokes....wen actually the inner me i dun feel tat....CAN I TAKE CARE OF YOU?CAN I DO JZ SUMTHIN FOR YOU?CAN.??nway i will support him all the time..ya all the time...luckily i have a bunch of mates here supporting me all the time esp in down moments,...thanks JENNY....thanks....i feel myself like strengthless.....i barely able to stand for myself sumtimes....lots in UTAR tot im a tough tough galll...i do nid love..i nid sumwan to love me...to say DARLING CAN I HUG U?i miss him lorr....im tired lahh...no mood ....2mrw got class...i cant disappointed my lecturers..my tutors...im scared but at the same time i dun wan to skip clas...buti dun have the power to stand up.....can sumwan lift me up?mid term ahh?????????CAREENA U SUCKS LAHHH..........U R A REAL LOSER.......YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

haihzzz another day

again another day...today is sunday.....tomorrow is monday......again a new day..time flies...yea...time flies....we r aging yea...worries are piling...worries are accumulating according to our age...how do i hope happy moments can jz be there......happy moments....for me is countable...but for sum is uncountable...maybe it all depends on individuals..how u look at ur life now and in future....do u noe how much i nid a person to take care of me...to lead me in times of troubles...i nid sumwan whom i can share my feelings to....im so tired recently...duno y it seems everythin jz chasing after me like a roaring lion....gosh..im jz a tiny ant..wat can i do?i kip on telling myself to b tough ...to b strong enuf...to b tenacious enuf in handling stuff....im trying to...im doing my best..ya....im in e process...but im too a humanbeing...im not ironman...im not superwoman .....come on....actually i fall in love wif a guy..but again i fail....yeah..i FAIL.....but i do tell myself one thing......nothin can eva disturb my studies n my position as the vicechair in uni....I HAVE MY OWN PRINCIPAL...tats me....i have my own limitations....my own boundaries,,,im not any gals whom mingling around.....im a simple yet complicated person...i noe wat m i doin....i wan to achieve well in my studies...n oso doin well in skul activities as well....im not anybody but i will b sumbody in future,..i kip my words...YA CAREENA YEOH DOES KIP HER WORDS...SHE CAN DO IT....SHE WILL GO FOR ANY CHANCES WHICH COMES HER WAY...SHE WILL GRAB ANY GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES .........CAREENA U MZ BE MORE TOUGH......STANDS UP......FACE THE WORLD ...FACE THE REALITY..NO DAY DREAMING...

im dead

im damn fuckin bz nowadays....busy till i dun hv time to even tik a deep breath....im tired....i dun noe hu to tok to....i duno ahh...im vvv tired...im now the vice chairperson in Utar...i nid to handle lots....my fren met an accident...im vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv worry abt him...but i cant do anythin..now we r planning to hold donations in Utar..wah...hav to write letter to PROFESSOR CHUAH.....pls approve us..pls.i BEG U.....I BEG U....i miss u....I MIS HIS MESSAGE...I MIS HIS LAUGHTER...I MISS HIS JOKES...now i dun have anyone whom i can tok to..i hav assignments all around,....pilling up like mountain.....i barely able to breathe...i nid sum respiration.....i NID air....i have lots in my mind....lots....lotsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IM DEAD LAHHH....

again im down

jz duno y...wen im bk kampar..jz feel tat loneliness surrounding me...again i picked up the photos we both taken in 2007...it makes me think of the memories...again im down...i cut my hair...vvvv short...this is the first time i feel kinda reluctant to hv my hair cut tat short..without any hesitation....now i hv a new look!haahah im a guy..im a boy?m i a girl?everyday i do think of him...thinkin of you,,,is something tat makes me sad....makes me cry....can sumwan hold my tears?careena now is single....she walks alone...she cries alone...she even see herself alone in dreams...the weather is burning hot but my heart is freezy cold...my body is shivering....i barely able to stand still....i hardly able to smile......tats me.....listen to the KENNY G songs....makes me reminisced the moments again....we hug each other..calling him softly..DEAR I LOVE U!now....in future....DEAR....A HORRIBLE WORD TO ME....I LOVE U.....HAHAHAAHAHH WAT A DAMN WORD IS TAT?Y GIRLS NID GUYS PROTECTION?WE DUN NID TAT.....WE DUN NID LOVE...WE DUN NID ANY OF UR SHELTER....U LEAVE ME A SCAR.........................NO LONGER WE WIL MEET...NO LONGER WE GONA SAY A WORD HELLO.....THERE IS ONLY BYE.....BYE CHONG BENG SOON IN MY LIFE!

numerous stuff...

tell u wat?hahaaha..2day i being boycotted by my mates...my lovely course mates...we supposed to hv 4 persons in a group..but they themselves already planned to b in a same group...how abt me?hahah im the left out..but eventually im in a group...i was compelled to b in tat particular group...i will try to cope wif dem....now i noe how important is my comrades....they gona save my assignments in these 3 years..i nid them...actually not sayin we r realistic its jz mutual benefit..we nid each other..we nid to lean on each other's shoulders...here comes unity..the unanimanous voice which we all hav now n the cumin 3 years..we nid to hold hands together no matter how much we dislike each other...i do hope i can b their frenz....jz tat normal fren...actually i do feel wateva happens around us all....there is a reason/..there is sumthin we nid to learn.....there is sumthin we nid to go thru in life..no matter how sad u r..no matter how many barricades u nid to been thru...u still nid to walk thru the path of darkness...only den u noe wat is LIFE...only den u r moulded to b a better person....patience..love....tolerance...maturity...self control..all these might be injected in u thru the walks of life..these r the values r goin to hold ur hands..lead u to the end of ur life..if now u duno how to grab hold of it..u will regret rest of ur life....im learning....in this year ..i do learn sumthin tats to really grabhold the things i precious the most..MY FRENZ...MY STUDIES....MY AMBITION...TX GOD THE MOSTTTTTTTT...HE is the one who let me noe wat is life gona b in future,,life is not jz a bed of roses...life fill wif thorny obstacles...but it does has honey ground...depends how u look at it....if u can take life like a blue sea..i believe life for u...must b unanticipated n unpredictable..there will b more surprises emerging infront of u....cz the sea full of the lovely creatures beyond our imagination...yea this is life!life for me is like the cactus..wau sounds bit weird but it does make sense...let me share a few words...there r thorns on the cactus...but there r different length in each thorn....we might go thru different hard times....sumtimes we do go thru hard moments which really disheartened us...but sum we can still take it....this is y i tik the cactus as the example...i can say i hav a colourful life...my life now fill wif variety of colours....but i cn myself one thing....MY FRENZ THEY PLAY A V CRUCIAL ROLE IN MY LIFE..WITHOUT THEM IM LIKE A LOST SHEEP...I HAV NO DIRECTION...THEY BRING ME BK...THEY TELL ME NOT TO GIF UP...STAND UP TO B A BETTER PERSON....U CAN DO IT!TX TO LYNN,ESTHER,MAY,YEELING,JING WEN,ERIC,JESLYN,JESS,CHARMAINE,...MY FAMILY...LOVE U ALL!i believe u guys will b the one who fill my life wif more fabulous colours....there r more to come.....

no mood

careena jz seems to b no mood....my mood is like weather ....changing moods all e time...i jz feel lots of things in my mind..i jz feel like yelling out..jz feel like having sumthin sweet...undescribable feelings in me...im like a lost sheep lost in the desolate jungle..searching ways to escape from the wilderness..where m i?can sumwan jz bring me bak?can sumwan gif me a hand?thousands of worries n anxieties in me...im now enshrouded wif the mist of worries n sadness...where m i to go?my life pages seem to b bored n dull....black? white?i myself still in the blur state...hope my sadness will gradually fade away..or else im gona suffer...im suffocating!i barely able to breathe...yesterday i again looked bk OURS PHOTOS...hahaa i cried..ya i cried...i jz tot i can stand n turn to a better tougher person but in vain...i try so hard..iterbnm indeed trying...im moving...but it seems sumthin holding me bk...the photos?the memories?the time we hav spent together?dis afternoon..i saw a couple givin each other a hug...i started to reminisce to lovely happy moments we hav been thru...ya he is still in my mind...but im no more in him..im the NOBODY..the nobody here means nothin to him anymore..no0 matter wat happens to me...its NOTHING TO HIM anymore..he is no longer there 4 me...he is no longer emerged in my lovely dreams..the dreams gona vanished foreva n eva...y?y nid to torture me?cruel.....feel like killing myself...how many years i nid to hold on to dis?m i absurd enuf to kip on holding this?i miss his smile..i miss his coolness to me...i miss him everything...i miss my dear again n again....MY SOUL DIES.....my mind stop working...my heart stops beating.....im overall dead...im n dead soul now...CHONG BENG SOON U R KILLING ME...

speechless

these few days i dun feel like saying anythin...duno y?i have nothin in my mind..in bad mood?NOPE..in gud mood?nope....i gain weight dy...kinda no mood lahh...tot of controlling myself but y ?i kip on eating. ..i hate myself...i hate being FAT...like a fat ass pig....Fxxx..haih no mood lahh/.....i dun hv any self determination...i dun hav self control..it makes me feel so sad disappointed wif myself...ya....small matters oso cant handle....im ...SPEECHLESS...anyway i have to tell myself...i wan to implant this attitude in me tat is to b self determination...control myself...ya...IN STUDIES..U MZ DO IT WELL...IN DIETwise too i hav to control...SURE U CAN DO IT...