learning to be patient and sturdy enough to face the artificial truth

these past few weeks, i have been struggling to be someone who do not love to ask or to question anything...i have been wondering who M I...M i myself?M I CAREENA yeoh..whom I used to be...to love someone is way harder than what i thought of...past few weeks, I have been struggling to bug him...texting him so many messages but what I have gotten myself is NIL. Just wanna cry out sumtimes...trying to tell myself to think positively..still learning to be tough which is so damn hard.....how many times he has been given a chance?ok..Careena go with it...with the trust U have for him...give another shot...i almost fall...i hope i able to stand strong ...move on with these....I love him...he is my boyfriend...who M i to him?i believe i able to see the results one day.,..surprisingly we are not seeing each other, texting or even chating via ph..hahah. wat a joke..be patient....we gonna see results by the end of the game

careena's sorrow

I met a dentist....he is special in my eyes, he might not be someone handsome but his intellectual strikes me...his intelligence attracts me to his attention...the way he speaks the way he portrays himself...i like it...yesterday i pray to God...I do hope I get a chance to get a lil close to him..but it seems in vain..I really duno whether Receive my request...i noe im not attractive to him..im just again another walk in customer...an ordinary one....knowing him and to get closer to him is totally diff story...i might not have aany chance from Sukhpal...he has a girlfriend...maybe..these few days i use to think of him...sumtimes do fun wen i imagine im his gf..imagine im holding his hands, hugging him seems great and awesome..being his gf, wat i feel is love and secure. adding him in my FB, maybe its sh wrong...but some ppl might say you can have him as ur fren first...afetr being frens..you will have further development....to know him, to get near him...wau its way harder than i think of...im not easily get attracted to guys..they hardly fall for me...maybe my personality, my attitude that shines among the amongs....im goin for intern..i will be saying goodbye...i will be telling myself only a dream...it will not come true..y not i tell myself, Careena, its only a dream, y not u tik him in ur dream hold him tight, hug him tight, imagine he is ur bf, walking on the street, telling him YOU ARE DIFF IN MY HEART. though its jz tat one day consultation, but i already missing you right now. i wont tell you i like you, you might be frightened, so leave it..again i get a FAIL in this paper....from far im looking at you, but closer, your shadow fades.duno wen i able to find someone i really love....maybe no...

the word peace

its hard to do the things u wanna to do..or maybe in a more easy way of saying...wanna achieve but still bit slow...ya v slow...as wat my mum used to say.,do things by steps...not rush ....maybe she is right...tonight again my mood swings...my mind floats....floating in the air seems free but actualy its not nice to have this very feeling where u hav nowhere but to have this word falls on you which is peace...izit so nice to hav this word on me...i dun think so...to some..they might that peace is somethig tranquil...the serenity in me strucks me like a thunder storm..wau seems kinda implicit...what this implies?well...i would like to say im currently fucking busy till the extend i would love to corner myself...with no disturbance...ignorance will be the best remedy....i have no time in other things but to jz focus in others...hahahah....will be tough but still IM CAREENA YEOH mahh...wt else i m to be just Careena>>>tonight no mood cheh...tomorrow must stand up and work things out...or maybe now...Careena u r different...show ppl how the best of you..you r the winner nt the loser...u will nvr look bk..but look front....no barricades will deter you from moving on....you hav a long race to run so do everybody...you wont be running all alone but u will be running with millions of rivals...so run with m=them...keep up the very speed...y?cz u r racing with urself...winning urself in order to win others...if u urself cant even win the race..how u expect urself to win others?u have no time to grunt..to complain..jz grin and bear it...try learn to be discipline...CAREENA MAHH. make a difference in your life....tats me

A NEW CAREENA IN THIS NEW YEAR

today i hav chat with keen way...wau i underestimate him...beyond wat i imagined...i hav gained lots from him...he taught one which is the 3Ps...PASSION, PERVERENCE AND PRACTICE..its easy to put in words but comes to pragmatic action, wau it is indeed different...but will learn n try to implement it in daily live....knowing to learn from everythin thou its jz a lil of part and parcel of ur life but no matter wat in our daily lives, we did gain sth....Careena u can do better in ur studies and future carrier...i cant be the future predictor but i do noe we do nid plans...pray to GOD...the plans we hav scheduled...HE will do the rest I believe....nvr fail to trust Him...u hv lts to learn in life ..u hav unstoppable knowledge but its too up to you whether you wan to receive it or not....first u hmz hav the interest..try to imbibe the interest in everything u do...then try to understand and apply it in daily life...surely u can utilize it regardless of anything u hav learnt,,..now its the time to learn more more...enhance urself to the max....MUST CAREENA U CAN DO IT....

there wont be an old one but a new one...

i notice one thing in life..thou it might not be the most crucial one but least its sth which u can bring you far far from wat u expected...i wont be the old one but a woman with dignity, with bountiful knowledge, with the knowledge i have in me,,,read more, enhance more on knowledge, it will definitely brace urself for a better future. as woman, we should be well informed, do not easily sway by the environment. NO....i should stand up no matter how tired i m...how lethargic i m today ..i should not jz give up...i noe i nid more exercise in order to uplift myself in all ways but it will nvr too late..NVR...NVR....CAREENA YEOH WILL NVR GIVE UP HER DREAMS...I AHVE MY VISION...A WOMAN WITH DIGNITY....TO CREATE AN IMPACT TO THE WORLD..I NOE ONE DAY I WILL BE ON TOP OF THE WORLD.I WANT TO BE ONE....i do noe in order to gain ppl's respect first u nid to respect him or her first.but certainly there are limitations...dun walk over mine...remember my words....tx...but do remember one thing Careena, do ur best in wateva u r doin and too in future...BE UNIQUE AND BE THE BEST

careena is here

everyday it seems im here...time flies...its almost the end of the sem..a new start..finals coming...but still im blur...im still dreaming rite now...writing here...doin what..what im thinkin is actually what im writing...whining will make you better..crying will make you better...or maybe a smile will make u better....there is an idiom tat goes...a smile will definitely better a cry...y not you choose to smile....whenever you want to do..you expect urself to do the best, top of the world...can I be the top of the world.???but how?top of everything....tell you what?beng soon's photo is on my desktop wallpaper...whenever i c him, feel sad, feel hurt..at the same time feel happy....dear dear ahh, do hope you will spend every minute with me,,,hugging me every nite, still remember we hugging each other to lalaland..tat land only belongs to us..dear dear I love you still...I miss you much still, but u hav forgotten me, have you?dear dear, tell you what?i do hope one day i can bump into you, seeing you will be the greatest gift eva...but i noe its God's arrangement, if He wants us to meet, definitely will but can I ask God..when???how many years to go??dear dear can i hug you?jz a hug tats more than enuf?but trust me Careena nvr give up..she still moving on ...i will study..i will do my best not try my best...nvr try but do it the best ..dear you too..ok...take more rest...I LOVE YOU...vvvv much..dear dear...missing you right now...wishing u merry merry xmas in adv...and happy new year...love you

careena's soul is not there...

to search ur inner self..will be v hard but once u had found it it will nvr be that hard anymore.....these few days duno y im v not myself...meaning your soul is not there, it was like struck by lightning, it has been pulled away by the swirl wind.the rushing wind seems like chasing after telling me to move but i wan totally glued on ground, dumbfounded with empty rooms in my head, the owner knocking on ur door without any further notice. the notice is a highlight to you telling you to move, telling you is time to make a move. it seems im still in my world of dream, dreams which are nasty and ludicrous. i have no idea what m i writing but in certain i noe hu mi n wat shud i do. I lack of motivation, the boost is not there anymore..listening to songs make you indulge more but at the same time it helps to keep awake ...Careena u shud wake up,,,set the alarm clock , wake u up mentally....thinkin bk the case between mee fon and ah tat, i suddenly think of me n beng. dear ahh, i noe i shud give up you, letting you go is letting my soul flies without comin back. if i were to continue to think of this, i wil nvr recover from the hurts.i will continue to walk deeper till one day, i will get myself even hurt than b4. i noe how to consult ppl but me myself, i hav no idea. as whta people say, its easy to heal others but not to urself..i almost dead....help me...im crying for help.,..thinkin of him is like killing my soul, soulless human being....hanging urself under the torture of hell...

careena is awake again...

she awakens me...her words awakens me through half an hour chat ...tx mei kwan...tx for ur encouragement...tx for ur support..I will learn...i wont not be tat easy give up//....give up will not exist in my dictionary....i will move on to chase more sales....ok!Careena can do it...She can achieve the targets..i can get komisen from those forms..within these few days...i have no worries but to hav the confidence in me..this is a sure....I cant just continue with what im now having...i have to live a better life now and future...i have to start planning my future now or else it will be a havoc in future...Careena u have to move with ur own hands...move with ur own limbs...to create the impossible...make things possible for urself and the society..no giving up....if you were to stop there...u waill fail tremendously....no thinking unnecessary stuff but think something which worth you thinkin it...MOVE ON

today...

today i hav not done any sales..my boss keep on pouring us with the same infos....tomorrow will be better rite....aiming a better goal....to hav sales is not easy, to convince and to persuade is something hard but it can be taken as a challenge...challenge me den....cool

im awake

im alwiz awake but tonight im fully in a conscious state where i noe where my stand is....my determination speaks to me saying im no longer living in impoverish condition especially in wanting what I wanted to achieve...no longer i have to live the same life...i have to figure some to jump out from this place...they enrol in notable university abroad where i stay in this fucking uni of mine where ppl barely noe where it is located....but all ppl noe is a chinese edu uni which comprises all unwanted students./...im pretty dissappointed with the surroundings around me...i have to be extra capable in order for me to escape from this predicament.....Careena....tell yourself u have to be vvvvvvvvvvv focus in ur future and ur studies no matter how hard the situation is...u can see with ur own naked eyes where ur mates are enrolling one by one to overseas uni where u hav nil chance...NO STARING BUT TO WORK HARD TO GO FOR IT....Careena U r Careena unlike others..Family is no longer my main priority...my future and studies will be my forefront priority.....no one will spare one for me...spare a better life for me...i will earn it by myself...NO BENG SOON IN MY LIFE...NO RELATIONSHIP IN MY LIFE......I WANT MYSLEF N MY FUTURE.....WHOEVER BLOCKS MY WAY SHALL BE GIVEN NO WAY....HE OR SHE SHALL NOT DISTURB ME NOR IMPEDE MY WAY TO SUCCESS

im alone...im all alone...

ladies are not as tough as what poeple think we are....I AM surfacely..but im lonely all times...no one noes ....actually a woman needs someone to love her..to care for her...to be by her side to pamper her at times...u can be weak by his side...but now he was no longer there...he is not there...i might be laughing..i might be smiling...but actually the smile doesnt make any sense to me...im alone....when can i truly forget him??when can i truly happy?when i truly be myself?i do not want anyone to hurt me anyone....its real hard for me to find sumwan whom i love...though i TRUST GOD that one day HE will grant me one...who is loyal and mature...who will be the one?when will he appear?when will be there for me each time i cry..each time i laugh..each time i nid sumwan to tok to...im alone...wat to do..life still need to go on..i still nid to stand up and work things out..i still nid to run out of this muddy pole...im a lady..im not a super duper lady....but anyway Careena will alwiz be tenacious...be sturdy,,,n be tough....but it seems today does not seem a good day to me...

wat love is?

looking up the ceiling...glaring here and there...started to wonder where m i!!!who m i???who m i to judge the meaning of love!!!love is that real?is that the existence of love?or izit jz an illusion???people might easily get entangled with love, but how do we get rid of it?to live a happy life, we hav to get rid of it.is alwiz easy to put in words but actionwise???speechless...human beings???i yet to forget him, i yet to love him less each day..but i do confirm one thing is he has already put me in a trashbin.but whta to say??what to express?I LOVE YOU....but imagine if oneday i do hav a bf, do I still able to throw him these three words..I LOVE YOU...love jz comes and go...what for saying these few words den...y not wait til its real only den we make these three words real...LOVE BREAKS MY HEART TREMENDOUSLY..im scared to be hurt again n again...

careena's blog

freaking happy... got an appreciation note form a customer 2day.... brighten my day n is a source of encouragement for me to work harder... Go Go go...!!!from beng soonMay 21 at 4:28pm
im happy to hear from u dear....though i noe i will no longer have the chance to cheer u up..but i will still be by ur side to tell u GO GO GO...u can DO IT...i noe in future u can be a successful person...dear do take care of urself k.....drink more water...try to sleep early...be a gud boy..loving you always...dear ahh....now i noe one thing is i hardly forget u..i hardly dump you in the trashbin...i noe u hav already trash me aside ....i hope one day i able to let go the time we have been together...the days we have been thru...the laughter we had together in cinema while we were watching Simpsons....dear i remember ur smile...ur fiery face ...ur baby face as well....dear dear...i noe u r now have a vv gud gf...hope u both will continue to love each other more each day....all i wish now is to c u everyday in FB...noe ur current situation....noeing tat u r doin wel.im pretty happy n glad with ur success....keep goin ya....keep working hard....n aim for the best....U CAN YEAAA....love you...love you

todai i finally cry

i hav a lot to study...i have lots...duno where to start with.....stresssssss.

stresssssssss.......

im stress.......im fucking stress....i have lots to do n yet im sick....im fucking sick recently,...i nid to hav a cigarette to boost my day but unfortunately i cant smoke tat much....fuck shit man....i have lots of things to do...i duno which one to start with fuckin shit man....oh gosh...GOD save me..im dead..my soul no longer been saved....shit......im tired...im tired,,..im fucking tired...

again down...

duno wen can i be invigorated?wen can i be charged wif energy?Careena Yeoh if u continue to be a dead corpse...its really useless n meaningless to live a life like this...its kinda disgruntled to c my life like this..its like a person sailing without direction....im disappointed....im sad...sumtimes jz feel like finding frenz to tok with but in vain...they r all pretty occupied...me too bz is jz tat im again restless....im not finding myself....im pretty restless...my energy is utterly depleted....CAN I CALL FOR HELP?CAN I JZ YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?oh my gosh...im pretty restless....again...n again.....open up my book...wat i c?wat i feel?i c nothin?i c sumthin?tat is ZZZZZzzzzz...i feel like sleepin...dozing off man....FUCK....fucking useless trash i m....

no mood

2day not in a gud mood...feel like dying....duno hu to tok to...feel like sleeping...feel like yelling......im restless....i hav ate this and that n yet still cant have a relief...duno wats in my mind....all i think now is I RESTLESS...if he is with me now....i believe i will be better..i miss my ex..everytime i miss him damn much...i miss him.....i feel like telling him...dear dear i no mood ahhh...can u come to me n hug me....can i msg u telling you i miss you.....dear ahh..these few days stress....tat internal implicit speechless stress is indeed unspeakable....unspeakable tension in me really makes me NO SMILE....happy?NO...feel like drinking till i can disgorge everything out from me....dear tell you what?i saw ur new profile picture in FB ahh...u r handsome...thumbs up for tat!keep it up..do hope u can take gud care of urself......take gud care of ur current gf........God bless ur carrier n ur family as well...love you everyday.....lov you

u will nvr forget....

in these few weeks of holidays.....at home....u will start to think of him again...all these while he is there in ur mind...sometimes Karen did tell my sis saying that is hard to forget the guy....hard to let go him....wat to do?u have to forget him or else u urself will get more hurt everyday,...u r the victim....he is njoying himself....he has the other half...HOW ABOUT YOU?u still have to move on werd...CRY....PAIN...but hu noes?u learn from ur pain....u dry ur tears...u cry again...u dry ur tears .....dont u feel tired?YA I RELUCTANT TO LET HIM GO...BUT WAT TO DO?WAT CAN I DO?there were so many passers- by.......still u r not vigilant...still u r blur.....still u r unconscious....no Man on earth is good.....there r ???????hu can giv me an exact answer to describe them? How oain u r...u still have to move on cz U R LADY...;LADY OF DISTINCTION.....U CANT FALL..U REMEMBER WAT U HAVE PROMISE URSELF......CAREENA MOVE ON.....I NOE U STILL LOVE HIM BUT U STILL U HAVE TO MOVE ON...ALWIZ REMEMBER U R A SPECIAL ONE....Leave it to GOD.....

believe...

dun u believe love at first sight....sum gurls thye might believe true love...but for me it doesnt really exist...maybe she has the chance to hav that v chance.I MISS OSCAR...this is my true words....evrytime wen i look into his facebook...i feel uneasy....again I FAIL ....IGNORE? .he thinks that he doesnt ignore me..but to me...YES...but can i do?wat u believe then?do u believe in guys promises?hahaah WAT THE FUCK,....DUN EVA TRUST THEIR WORDS...is ME who is the morone who trusted his words....NO MORE...Y I NID TO BE DECEIVED BY THEM...M I EASILY BEING DECEIVED BY PPL ESP MY FEEINGS...im a human being...im not a Robot...im not a machine...im a lady as well...wat u guys think?i cant bear this anymore...wen it comes to moments of silence ...i will start to think unnecessary stuff...I LOVE My ex..I miss Os...i thought i really can hav a person who cares for me....now...HAAHAHHAHA...NOTHIN...I GAIN NOTHIN...BUT A SENSE OF IGNORANCE...FROM HIM...WAT HAV I DONE WRONG..HAV I DONE SUMTHIN WHICH IRRITATES YOU?DID I?m i tat bad which scares you away?why i nid to beg you>..yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....y cant i hav a chance to say I MISS YOU....y cant i hav a chance to ask WAT HAPPEN TO YOU....WAT HAPPEN TO US BOTH...how i hope time can jz stagnant there....we can both in the room watch movie together....chat together...NOW NO MORE....y GOD gave me so many passer by....GOD my heart is in pain....DO U NOE THAT?I SAW my ex's gf....I saw Os FB...ENUF....................I CAN PRETEND NOTHIN HAPPEN....but pls consider that IM A HUMANBEING...im not an object...COME ON...i can smile laugh all the time...doesnt mean im happy all the time....is not easy to be happy but its easy to be a pretender.....do u believe?hhahah I BELIEVE.....

careena is fresh at this moment.....

moments of sadness seem to fade away....previous notes i hv had premonitions that i will be single for life ...but yesterday all of sudden....Mei mei had an intuition that i will get attached wen i step into the society...wau....at least at this v moment,,im happy...but now hav to go back n study japanese,,,...kinda stressssssssssss...but wat to do...u hav to study...move on with ur life by holding the book of JAPANESE...AIYOOOOOOOOOOO TERUK ...Y ON EARTH U HAV TO CHOOSE JAP...HAHAAHH TAMIL?terk betul...2day i bought a dress...it suits me well....pretty nice....the impeccable beauty in me shines....ahahah....self praise....wtf....anyway.....the world is rotating...our mind and soul is charging with the energy....haih....careena MOVE ON...